Storage Wars ‘Dave’ Hester and his horrible affliction

Okay, this is going to short and concise. Actually its going to be as short as Dave’s Johnson and about as concise as it can be at this late hour.

So, after watching several episodes of A&E’s “Storage Wars” and witnessing this absolute abomination of a human being with the name Dave Hester, I have come to a few conclusions about Dave and the show.

First, Brandi Passante is hot and has a great rack that appear to be actual breasts, not the usual silicone filled Zeppelins that point in two different directions like Marty Feldman’s eyes.

Second, Brandi needs a good slap from that spineless husband of hers, Jarrod. Dude, grow a set and tell your hot wife to shut the hell up once in a while.

Brandi seems to have what men like me see as a strange phenomenon that only women possess. Its called selective memory. When she buys a bad locker, well shit happens.

But when her husband Jarrod Passante gets burned, like all women, she will piss and moan like an old woman with hemorrhoids. She needs a slap.

On to Dave Hester. In my opinion, Dave Hester suffers from what doctors call “Ihaveanincrediblysmallpenisandamhunglikearaisinitis.”

I would bet money that Dave can’t break a Cherrio with the pimple he calls a pecker.

There can be no other explanation for his abhorrent behavior on national television.

Not to mention that when Dave looks up, the back of his neck looks like a pack of Oscar Mayer Hotdogs.

Then to make sure that he always comes out a winner on every locker, Dave brings the crap he bought back to his thrift store for inventory.

Thats when Dave realizes that he paid way too much for this junk and in a rudimentary attempt to compensate for his lack of a unit, he overprices everything to the point of laughter.

On one episode, Dave got mad and stormed off because the other bidders played his game back on him.

On another, Dave claimed to make twenty thousand dollars off of a fourteen hundred dollar locker.

It was junk. Dave said a dinette set make of pine was worth a thousand dollars. I see that crap at yard sales for fifty bucks all day long. This is Los Angeles Dave. You can buy anything you want direct from Mexico at any swap meet.

Dave Hester, you behave like a little boy. Spoiled rotten and hung like a raisin. Of course, thats just my opinion. YEEEEEPPPP! JD

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