Cancer Statistics and money spent searching for a cure

According to the American Cancer Society There are 205,000 new cases of breast cancer discovered each year with an annual death rate of about 40,000. The ACS also states that 190,000 men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer each year with a death rate of about 34,000 each year.

The difference in numbers is very small when you consider how many people live in America. Yet the amount of money spent on research to find a cure for breast cancer is almost 50 times more money than prostate cancer. Last year the federal government directly and indirectly spent close to 11 billion dollars on breast cancer, while spending a paltry 2 billion dollars on prostate cancer. Niether of these figures includes any public donations.

Why such a huge divergence in spending? Because not a month goes by that while I’m flipping through the channels trying to find something to watch, that I come across CSPAN’s coverage of testimony in front of some special subcommittee and a bunch of women whining about more funding for breast cancer research. I don’t know how they do it, but women seem to possess the ability to cry on command. Because of this incessant whining, these congressmen give them more money to go away. Their collective heads are probably ready to explode after a couple of days of sniveling.

Could you imagine a bunch of men going in front of congress to testify about prostate cancer? If it were me, I wear a donut on my lapel to show solidarity to my fellow prostate cancerous brothers. For those of you that don’t know, the prostate gland is sort of shaped like a small donut. Or I guess the donut could it could represent my asshole. I know, I’d have donuts made special that look like giant assholes!

Anyway, I’d get up there and say ” I was at the doctor for a physical and he put his finger up my ass. He sounded a bit alarmed and he asked the nurse to order a P.S.A. test. I didn’t know what that meant but when I asked my cousin who is a veterinarian, he told me it was a “Pour Suds on Asshole” test.” He said something about watching the way the beer foams on your sphincter to determine whether or not you have asshole cancer.

You see what I mean? I have a theory that breast cancer gets more funding than prostate cancer because one has to do with boobs, and the other with assholes. Think about it. A group of congress people mostly men, deciding how much money to spend on which cancer. THEY’RE MEN THAT WOULD RATHER SAVE BOOBS OVER THEIR OWN ASSHOLES ! It’s like ” screw it, I’d rather be dead than face a life without titties.”

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